Monday, February 27, 2006

My Teenage Love - A Shattered Dream

From the very first day when I was able to understand something about this world, I saw her. She came with her mother and father to our house and my mom was busy changing my soiled underwear. Dont get shocked because I was only three years old at that time. She sat beside me and I started playing with her tiny hands. We became good friends very soon and used to play through-out the evenings everyday. Construction of my new house was going on and both of us used to visit the site quite frequently. We used to walk with hands in hands for hours.

Years passed by and we entered into teenage and our friendship grew along with us. We even decided to go to same Teacher for Mathematics and Chemistry tutions. I remember those walks and those talks we used to have while coming back from the tutions in the night, specially on the straight road leading to her house. But at that time I was not aware that a feeling called love existed in my tiny heart. This continued for 14 years and my heart never whispered to me.

And the separation day came. her father got transfered from our town to some other place. One day before leaving she came to my house with her parents and we talked a lot about our childhood below the shining stars and .......... she left. My heart didnt whisper a single feeling and I lost the time and her also.

My life changed from the next day. I started missing her. My heart which was not able to whisper started crying loudly. I felt an emotional void growing into my life. During our tution classes I keep on staring the place where she used to sit and after them I used to sit and stare the straight road leading to the place which was her home a few days back. I was not able to concentrate on my studies and lost the career path which I and her dreamed of. I didnt even try to get her address or telephone no. from my mother afraid of being caught.

Three painful years passed by and I got the tag of hopeless case from the whole family and they lost every bit of hope that I will be able to do something in my life or I will become somebody. Every year I used to sit in engineering entrance examinations with the same result - NOT QUALIFIED.

One fine day with just luck I got some information about her. She was studying in some engineering college, which one no idea. Whole world shrinked for me in couple of minutes. What am I doing, I thought. she is going to become an engineer very soon and here I am one useless fellow. Last entrance examination for that year was just after eight days and I was completely out of touch with the subjects. I bolted down myself in my room and started studying so that in future if I get a chance to express my feelings to her I also stand on the same platform, I also wanted to become an engineer now desperately.

Thanks to GOD, may be for once he thought to grant my wish and I got selected. I joined the farthest engineering college from my place so that I can become more independent and think about her without any disturbence from my family. Here I met one guy who became one of my best friends and changed my life forever, good or bad it was not his fault, he sincerely tried his best.

Actually he was from the same college where she was studying engineering. Both of us planned to go to her college secretly without telling the truth to our parents. We told our parents that we are going to attend our friend's sister's marriage and arrived in her town. My friend somehow got her address and we arrived at her hostel. We called her outside and believe me she was genuinely very-very happy after seeing me there. When my friend left us in complete togetherness we started talking about the life about everything in this damned world. But I was nervous that I was not able to hide my expressions. She caught me and to be on the safer side mentioned one thing which shattered the dream of my love.

I also never told you this before but its not my fault because I myself was not aware of any such incident in our life till she nailed it into my soul, my heart. Actually when I was three years old she tied me Rakhee once. For those who dont know what is Rakhee I will explain. Rakhee is a thread which in our country sisters tie on the hand of their brothers. But tell me one thing a three year old child dont know what is Rakhee and this incident was never repeated again in our life. It is not my fault that I was only three years old and was not aware at that time that this thing will rob me off my love. Just imagine my situation at that moment. The reason was such that I was not even able to defend myself.Two tears flowed down from my cheeks but I hided them from her. I clinched my heart so that he will not cry further, atleast not in front of her. I lost my first love in two minutes with which I had lived for last 17 years. I came back with empty hands and an empty heart.

She got married afterwards and I found love of my life in the form of another girl who is now my wife and whom I love very much.

I still dont know whose mistake it was but the result is that my teenage love became a shattered dream and one three year old kid was found guilty and responsible for this. But even today sometimes I feel the touch of her tiny hands in my hands and sometimes about her my heart whispers to me................


Anonymous said...

"Here I met one guy who became one of my best friends and changed my life forever, good or bad it was not his fault, he sincerely tried his best."

How did I change your life and what is this thing about "for good or for bad". I am a little confused here. Its me only from A124

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